you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
