We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
