I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
