ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
