Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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