I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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