Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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