Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
