I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
