eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
