You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
