I wish i was in the wii world.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
