your parents love me but you hate me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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