I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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