Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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