did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
