Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize