so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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