I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
