This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
