oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You're like the curious george of whores
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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