but the lizard people decide everything anyway
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
