Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
