I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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