I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
