Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
