Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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