I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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