"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm bleeding and have questions
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
