i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
