just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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