Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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