I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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