So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
