Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
