it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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