i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
