what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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