We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am one with the molecules
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize