May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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