I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
