I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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