i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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