And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
