we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
