I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
