great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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