You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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