Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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