i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
