she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
