Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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