I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
