In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
