It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
