omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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