she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
