Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
