Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
