Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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