Non-Jews are for practice
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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