Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
