Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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