sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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