actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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