he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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