there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
