Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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