A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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